Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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