Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
