Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
