Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
