i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
