I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
