Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
