i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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