Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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