just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
