Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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