just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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