There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
