census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
