Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
