I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
