I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im holly from the hills drunk
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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