So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
