You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
