$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sorry about my life...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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