just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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