i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
