you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
A bitchslap is in order.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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