so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
