i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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