Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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