I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
