I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
