in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
