He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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