I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
