This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
