Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
