the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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