I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
