All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
