dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
