I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's get the cat blown out
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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