can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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