Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize