I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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