The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
