Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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