lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
