i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Of course I have a pirate flag
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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