I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
