Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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