sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
