Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
