I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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