Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
