He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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