Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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