The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
