They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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