i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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