I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
