this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
