I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
