It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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