My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
