i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
