Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
