put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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