hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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