8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
