I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
