yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
