OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
