It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
