he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
